


Forgiveness

by nocturness



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Cheating, Multi, Romance, Unhappy Ending, spencer being a dumbass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:22:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nocturness/pseuds/nocturness
Summary: Not everyone gets a happily ever after. And you and Spencer get to experience that the hard way.
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Reader, Spencer Reid & You, Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	Forgiveness

My head was bent over the running sink as I clutched it’s porcelain sides. I splashed the cool liquid onto my face cleaning away the dried tears. My head pounded and I pressed a finger to my temple. I groaned as I glanced up, seeing my reflection in the mirror. I looked like an absolute mess. Drying off my hands and face with a towel, I peeked out into the bedroom, where my husband of 2 years was sprawled over the linen bed, sleeping soundly. I sighed sadly as I noticed his disheveled state. 

So much has happened these past weeks, from the day I discovered those letters, to the day Maeve Donovan died. I could feel my heartbreak again as I remembered the contents of the letters, how they had shamelessly flirted with each other, and made plans to meet up. Though I didn’t blame Maeve for anything, Spencer didn’t tell her about me, his spouse. Why would he?

I was about to confront him about everything, a few days ago. But that moment never came, as the day I was going to do it, everything with Maeve went down. We were too focused on saving her, that I couldn’t do it. And I couldn’t do it after, I just couldn’t, he wasn’t in the right state of mind. 

A knock on the door caused me to jolt back to reality. I tidied my appearance the best I could and exited the bathroom and into the bedroom, leaving behind my engagement ring. I stopped by the bed and gazed at Spencer. Sighing, I draped a blanket over him and headed to the front door. 

As I got closer, I could hear muffled voices behind the door, and another few knocks before I finally made it. 

A soft voice spoke up, “Spencer.? It’s JJ and Penelope.” I opened up the door, unveiling JJ and Penelope’s shocked expression, as they weren’t expecting me to be here at my home. I stared at him tensely, expecting them to start talking. 

Penelope cleared her throat awkwardly, “Oh, I thought you had work.” I shook my head and let go of the door, “I took some time off, I need to make sure Spencer will be okay, I didn’t think he should be alone.”

“How is he?” Penelope asked trying to peer behind me. “He’s doing a bit better, he’s eating at least,” I explained. Penelope relaxed her shoulders and nodded. JJ gazed at my face, her face contorted into concern, “Are you okay?”

At her words, Penelope analyzed my face and gasped, “You don’t look so well.” I stepped outside and softly closed the door behind me, careful to not make any noise, “There’s a lot going on.” I placed a palm to my forehead and let out a yawn.

JJ looked at her friend sympathetically, “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.”

“Are you going to confront him anytime soon?” Penelope questioned curiously.

I wrapped my jacket closer to my body and shuffled my feet, “Well, I’m not going to do it now. He’s in a sensitive state.”

Penelope raised her voice and the playful glimmer in her eyes turned cold, “He cheated on you! you deserve some happiness and closure too!” JJ shushed her before turning to me, “You have to tell him eventually you know, otherwise he might keep lying to you.” JJ crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows.

“I still can’t believe Spencer would do something like this,” Penelope tched, placing a hand in her hips and turning to the side, exasperated.

JJ shook her head disapprovingly, “No one thought he could do something like that. Hotch is still pretty shaken up, Morgan and Em are really confused and angry. I think Morgan is going to reach out to you soon. And Rossi, like a father, he’s just so confused and worried.”

I silently listened to them. After a moment I finally spoke up, “He’s still grieving, I can’t spring this on him yet. No matter how angry I am, he needs time. I’ll confront him after.” Penelope’s expression softened, “How can you still care for him. I mean — if someone, especially if I the person I was married for 2 years, just cheated on me, I would totally just leave his sorry butt.”

A laugh escaped my lips, it’s been a while since I had last laughed, I missed it. My expression grew solemn , causing JJ to place a soothing hand on my shoulder.

“No matter what he did, I haven’t stopped loving him. I said it in my vows, that I will always love him even when life hurts,” I muttered quietly, “But forgiving him is the question. What he did, it’s horrible. I don’t think I can forgive him.” 

Penelope gave me a small smile and gave me a bone-crushing hug. JJ joining in a moment after. I murmured a thank you and basked in their comfort. I was extremely thankful to have such caring friends in my life, I didn’t know how I would function without them. 

JJ gazed into my eyes, “Remember, if you need anything, we are always here.” Penelope nodded in agreement, “Also I got this for Spencer. Can you give it to him? I know he cheated and all, but someone did die.” Penelope reached out behind her and held a large basket filled with goodies. She handed it to me and smiled sadly. They both gave me another hug before leaving down the halls, their steps echoing off the walls. 

I sighed before going back inside. The door shut quietly behind me, and I headed towards the kitchen to drop it off. To my surprise, I spotted Spencer, drinking a mug of water, his eyes hazy. His hair was messy and unkempt, and his clothes were all wrinkly. His tired eyes met mine before looking down once more. He seemed to have a slight nervousness to his movements.

“JJ and Penelope dropped his basket off for you,” I said softly, unsure what to say. I strolled closer to the kitchen and placed the large gift on the counter. No words have yet to leave Spencer’s mouth, which only made me anxious. I stood there waiting, Spencer tapping mindlessly on the mug. Giving up, I headed towards the office, disappointment evident in my face. I wanted to give him a chance to admit the truth. But despite facing absolute horrors in his life, he couldn’t simply tell the truth. 

However before I could step into the room, a hoarse voice called out to me, “Wait…”

I swung around and met the somber brown eyes of my husband. His eyes flicked uncomfortably around the room when I met his gaze, “Can we please talk?” His voice was laced with uncertainty, and it was heartbreaking to hear. I nodded silently and headed back towards Spencer, talking a seat on a stool. My heart began to thump, at the anticipation. Was he finally telling me?

He rubbed his face, and took a breath, “I have something to confess, something that I have been keeping from you for a while now, for ten months actually.” I gritted my teeth at the ‘ten months’ part, but nevertheless, I placed a comforting hand atop his from across the counter, urging him to continue. 

“I er- well,” he hesitated, trying to figure out the best way to tell the truth. Knowing what this was about, I lightly squeezed his hand, “It’s okay, you can tell me.” I could see the guilt written across his face, a part of me didn’t want to hear him say it out loud.

“I was in a romantic relationship with Maeve,” he blurted quickly, trying to get it over with.

I let out a small sigh, it hurt hearing him say it himself, and I wanted to cry and explode right there. But kept my composure. “I know,” I whispered, just loud enough for Spencer to hear.

His eyes snapped up to meet mine, his eyes were wide, “You kno-know?” I slowly nodded, “I found out two weeks ago.” Spencer’s voice was low, “Why didn’t you tell me you knew?”

“I needed time to think Spence,” I glanced down to the counter. 

Spencer sighed, “I’m sorry..”

“I know you are.” I glanced back up to see Spencer’s eyes brimmed with tears. “Please stay,” he pleaded.

“I love you —” my grip on his hand tightened as hope glimmered in his eyes, “— but, I can’t forgive you. I can’t. It hurts too much to stay.” 

Tears rolled down his cheeks, “I love you.. just-just let me fix this. It was a mistake.” I removed my hand and looked away, I couldn’t bear to see him cry, “You can’t fix this Spence. It’s not something you can just ‘fix’.” 

He wiped his eyes, “Let me try. I can be better.” Shaking my head, I stood up, “Stop it, you can’t.” Spencer stepped towards me and reached for my hands, I jerked back, “Stop it, Spencer!” He looked at me miserably, “Just one more chance, I need you.” 

I clenched my fists and stomped towards the living room, “What is wrong with you? Do you think if you ask for a second chance you would get one? That’s not how it works!” My face began to heat up in fury and turned to face him, “All I did was love and support you, Spence. That’s all! I was there for you during thick and thin.”

He said nothing as he watched me erupt in anger. “Did you know how I felt when I read those precious letters? The pain I felt? I bet not! Those days where I had to deal with this, while you continued to be unfaithful behind my back like I was nothing!” My jaw tightened, and I closed my eyes, “Why?” 

“I don’t know,” Spencer’s voice was hesitant and quiet. I stared straight into his eyes, tears starting to brim mine, “You don’t know? At least come up with a better excuse than that.” 

Spencer gulped, “There’s no excuse I know it.” The warm tears flowed down my cheeks, and I crossed my arms, my anger was slowly diminishing as I spoke again, “Just tell me why Spencer. I can’t deal with the thoughts in my head anymore. Was I not smart enough? Not pretty enough? What did I do wrong that you had to run into the arms of someone else? Just tell me something, anything.” 

“You didn’t do anything…” Spencer responded, he moved closer to me, but I stepped back and raised my hands. “Don’t.” He complied and moved back, his eyes bore sadly into mine. I sobbed, tears now rolling down freely, “Just tell me this — “

I hesitated or a moment, yet again scared to hear the answer, but I had to know, “— Did you love her Spence?” Spencer said nothing, his eyes flicked downwards. I blinked back tears and repeated my question, “Did you love her?” 

A meek voice responded, “Yes.” I shuddered, that was the one thing I was truly afraid about. That I was no longer the one and only in his life, I was just another person. It was the proof I needed to understand how replaceable I actually was. “Get out.”

“What?” His eyes snapped up to meet mine. I crossed my arms and stared into his brown eyes with a hard expression, “Get. Out. You can come for your stuff later, just get out.” 

Spencer’s mouth was agape as he looked at me with disbelief. He slowly regained back his composure, and I watched him slowly walk towards the door. With his hand on the doorknob, he turned back around, “I don’t know how long it will take, how long it will be for you to forgive me. But I’ll wait — I’ll wait.” 

And just like that, the door was shut behind him, and I was left alone in the apartment. I stood motionlessly in the center of the living room, my gaze still at the door as if he was going to burst back in to try once again to persuade me to forgive him.


End file.
